Most years when we get to December I feel surprised how quickly the year has flown by, but not this year. It feels right that we are here. I’m happy, but I’m weary and it feels good to be pulling together the end of 2013.
I looked through the stack of Black Friday sales papers in shock this year. It gave me this feeling of looking back on another lifetime–back to those days when I’d look through the papers, mark deals, make lists, then have a great big shopping trip the next day.
Now I look at the papers and feel the desire for more, but also a sadness that we want so much more than we need. Sorry that we have become so distracted from Jesus. Sorry that marketing has been so effective in convincing us that all that we have is not enough and that we need more.
It seemed funny that this big world of STUFF and people buying it, the rushing for deals, the smiles, the fun,the coffee for refueling was just miles away. It feels far away–another continent perhaps, as though I’ve left but the reminders have sifted to my mailbox. I remember wistfully the life that was, but mostly I am grateful for the contentment I feel.
Looking through the pictures on the web I see things I want. Needs I didn’t realize I had suddenly arise. A shoulder bag, sandals, a belt, corduroys for Steve, adorable PJ’s for Paxton (he could use another pair!) Those slippers! That sweater is ADORABLE! I open them in new tabs, so I can find them later if I decide to buy them.
I walk away.
Several hours later I come back and close tab after tab realizing none of these are on my list of things we need. Knowing that while we could use them–yes!–we don’t need them. We can live [happily] without them.
How many times have I come home from shopping on a high? Often. it’s fun! But I’m also finding that when I choose to live without things we don’t truly need I keep going back to finding God to be enough for me. It doesn’t always feel like a high. Sometimes it hurts, but often there is also a peaceful presence. It’s the assurance that He has provided–that we have all that we need.
I’m learning to call His provision enough to fill my longings.Note: I didn’t publish this when I wrote it in December because I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. Today I’m sharing it because I want to talk more about God’s provision and how He is shaping our hearts to trust Him fully for all that we need. (2/14)