A Broken Hallelujah

Some days Jesus feels {so near} and precious.  The way He cares for us is tangible and surrounds us with a presence that nothing can compare to.  It happens often when we walk through pain and it happens when life is a beach with sand and space and the sun warm on our backs.

Other days we need Him so much.  We search for Him, seek Him, cry out to Him….and the sound is hollow like a tiny echo in a dark cavern.  We know He is present, but we don’t feel Him.  We know He cares, but we can’t seem to feel that, either.  Ever have days like that?

Today I did.  I know just yesterday I wrote about feeling a little better.  I thought I had finally found a key to regaining energy, then boom–rotten day with utter fatigue.  No matter if I’d try to describe it, I would come back later and realize it sounded nowhere as hard as what it felt.

It was discouraging to be here again.  The difficulty of this journey has been the never-ending dips.  It’s up and away…then down again, over and over again.

Today I could not walk out of the darkness that surrounded me.  Some days it takes faith to believe that God is good . We don’t believe because we feel His goodness, but because we have seen His faithfulness in the past.  We remember the alters of praise and His goodness, His mercy, His favor.  We trust.

Speak Truth to Yourself (This is worth the time it takes to read.)

14 April-2757

Sacrifice of Praise

Through Him then, let us continually
offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, 
that is, the fruit of lips
that give thanks to His name.
Hebrews 13:15

Today I felt the need to trust God’s goodness even when I didn’t feel it, the need to offer praise when I only wanted to lament.   There wasn’t music in my soul, but there was~

Music to play on my worship playlist

Empty hands to hold out to the Father

Friends to help me pray

Memories of God’s repeated faithfulness

A Goodness I can trust

Rest in His care

You know, sometimes when we’re struggling alone it can feel so isolating and sometimes, strangely, it can almost makes us feel special–like shouldn’t other people cater to me a little here?  (Ug!)

While chatting with one of my friends I found out she was finding herself in a hard place, too.  Together we reached for Jesus.  It was so good for me to remember I’m not alone in this.

Many people are facing difficulty in all kinds of form.  My situation isn’t a high alert, special situation.  This is a time to humbly bow , to accept the trials in life and in brokenness to glorify the Giver of Life.  Because He is GOD and He is Good.

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart's in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You're with me somehow
And You've always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You
And give You thanks

Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
Oh Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You
And give You thanks

Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah -Mandisa
Atlanta children Photography -2242
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13 thoughts on “A Broken Hallelujah”

  1. This is so so good, Christy! I love your honesty, your realness, and how that speaks so much life and hope and makes me reach for Jesus more – it doesn’t cause discouragement, or a negative feeling. Even in the struggle of health and wellness, you still press to Jesus, and invite others to do the same. I love and admire that about you. ♥

  2. I wish I would of read this the other day when I was feeling exactly this way. I love your perspective among the honesty. I love that song!

  3. This post was beautiful..thanks for sharing. I think..that a broken hallelujah is the most beautiful. It’s easy to praise God on the happy days, but being able to still give Him praise on the rough and ugly days- that’s the real thing! Praying for strength and health!

  4. It’s so good to have friends to reach out to Jesus with, isn’t it? I am thankful for all my sisters in Christ. Happy Easter, Christy!

  5. Oh Christy–as a moderately tired person I wish I could take some of the fatigue and clouds away. I can only guess how debilitating it must be. I’m sending prayers for energy and healing your way! Love ya-

  6. Christy, hugs! And a great big thank you for sharing and for putting my thoughts into words this Easter weekend… not easy here but we do serve a RISEN Lord and that makes all the difference!

  7. A prayer and a cyber hug for you, Christy. Thanks for the encouragement you gave me, even in your empty time. Loved the article on speaking the truth to yourself.

  8. oh wow… this was amazing. so good to remember…I’ve been going thro some hard things these past few weeks and wondering what God’s plan is…holding up empty hands to him…I feel so weak in and of myself. thanks so much for this post, Christy. you are a beautiful soul. praying for your health.

  9. “…Together we reached for Jesus. It was so good for me to remember I’m not alone in this.

    Many people are facing difficulty in all kinds of form. My situation isn’t a high alert, special situation. This is a time to humbly bow , to accept the trials in life and in brokenness to glorify the Giver of Life. Because He is GOD and He is Good.”

    amen. <3
    there is always a place of belonging,
    Psalm 84

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